There are some programs on my computer that if I ever have to call the publisher for support, I get greeted by disbelieving laughter.
This, I can smile back and live with. The real problem is finding someone in the organisation who has ever used - let alone fixed - the programs. You see, they are over 20 years old. Nearly as old as half their staff.
The prime example is Tracker, invented in Melbourne back in the 80s. I handled their advertising for a few years. To write about it I had to use it, and soon became addicted. This continued several years into their Tracker II release.
It's a contacts manager designed to look like a 200 x 150mm index card. There are places for all the names, addresses, contact details, as you'd expect, and an unlimited notes function where you can write in every discussion and meeting you have ever had with the person.
So, yes, it's just like any other contact system. Except that it is so simple and robust that it never lets you down, it just keeps going and growing. Where I've needed support is when the operating system changes and I need to find a programmer who can fit Tracker II into the newest Windows.
Now I'm not some doddering novice. I've tested lots of contact managers, even written reviews on them. It's just that Tracker is like a favourite pair of carpet slippers, moulded to your feet by time. I don't have to learn anything, I don't have to think, and in its depths are long-forgotten conversations I had twenty years ago. One click and I can relive them again.
Sometimes I'll come across someone I haven't seen for years. "Do you remember that product range we were going to promote in '96?" He'll be amazed at the clarity of my memory. If I'm really trying to impress, I won't mention that I've just scanned the notes of our dealings way back then.
The simple little card index I have, has long gone from the marketplace. Vital Software is still a successful Australian company but Contact Tracker is now a leading customer relationship manager for the world-wide automotive industry with most of its business in the US, Europe, China and Japan. Which explains why it's so difficult finding someone who remembers the original.
It's the same story with my other old favourite. Isys was also created in Melbourne. When you install it into a computer it scans all the files in all the memories and then keeps them up to date as new data comes in.
If you ever lose a file or forget a file name, enter into Isys a couple of words you can remember were in the document and instantly it will find that letter for you, however obscurely you or someone else may have placed it.
When it first came out it was unparalleled in its speed and versatility. Others thought so too, like the US Drug Enforcement Administration, Britain's Prison Service, universities through North America and Europe.
Once again success took it far from its home and now it is part of Perceptive Software, in Kansas. The dinky little home computer version has long been forgotten as it conquered vast networks - and if I ask for help, I hear sniggers of disbelief on the long-distance phone. But hey, it's a great program and still works brilliantly, why toss it aside for a jazzy successor I don't need?
One thing this reminds us of, though - Kylie, Barry and Nicole aren't the only great Aussies that conquered the world stage.
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