You're the boss and you walk into the office kitchen and the sink is full of dirty cups. What do you do?
You can't call your secretary to clean things up - a) you don't have a secretary any more, you have an "administrative assistant", b) she or he is far too grand and well-educated to risk their manicured fingernails in a dirty sink.
You can't shout at the nearest employees because in this modern, post-feminist egalitarian world, the wrong words can see you in jail or sued for squillions. So what is the modern kitchen etiquette? Once there were tea ladies who'd push their trolleys round mid-morning and afternoon bringing beverage and biscuits to your desk and whisking away the dirties. But they have long been sent to their retirement villages.
They were replaced by "café bars", with finger-burning plastic cups that did not need washing. Then people started bringing in their own mugs, but were always too busy to clean up afterwards. So the grot grew.
Nowadays you also get microwaves, stoves, elaborate espresso coffee systems - but still too few people to wash up afterwards. The cleaners blow through like dervishes in the night, changing the garbage bags and waving the back-pack vacuum wand but coffee cups aren't in the job description.
So what's the tea-room etiquette? One idea I spotted in my travels was a kitchen notice that said you were responsible for your own cup - but if there happened to be another in the sink, do that one at the same time. Not all the dirty cups, just yours plus one more. If everyone did that the area would be kept clean, with minimal anger directed at the slobs. (However many notes you pin up, there will always be slobs.)
The other problem area is the bathroom - especially in the smaller offices where men and women share. Inevitably there's the Dragon Lady who marches up and loudly declares, "OK, who used the toilet last and didn't flush properly? I know it was a man because the seat was left up." The men in the room bury their heads behind their computer monitors, muttering "It wasn't me!"
She has a point though. Look back before you exit. And don't be afraid to use the provided brush on stubborn stains, that's what it's there for. Etiquette.
Wash your hands and if you have paper towels, give the hand basin a quick wipe around. Like they used to ask you to do on aeroplanes.
Finally, notice when products are running low, whether it be the tea bags or coffee or toilet paper. Replace the empty ones from the store in the cupboard, or make sure, a few days before, that the cleaners know they have to bring in fresh supplies.
The point is, if you noticed it, take responsibility for it. Don't just ignore it thinking that "someone" or "management" or "admin" will fix it, because the chances are they won't, or they'll take a week to notice.
Where there once were office managers or department administrators, as often as not these jobs have gone with the great middle-management purges and redundancies of recent years, leaving the workers to look after their own space.
You may not be the boss, but you spend a third of your life working in your office or factory, it's as much your home as the one you pay a mortgage on. So take responsibility for it, keep it clean and tidy - own it and observe the etiquette.
ray@ebeatty.com
