How do you shop - are you a bulldozer driver or a hunter and gatherer? The 'dozer lowers her scoop, throws the tracks into high gear and ploughs through the supermarket in minimum time. When she says (it's usually a she) "I'm out shopping, be back in an hour," she means it. Back she comes with half a dozen stuffed bags hanging off each hand.
Me, I'm a hunter. This is my weekly adventure. I have favourite butchers, greengrocers, delicatessens, all down the shopping strip. I love the diversity that comes from these little shops, even if they do cost - occasionally, not always - a bit more than the supermarket.
Of course more than half the shop is still done in the supermarket, but this can be a slower hunt. You see I make the shop difficult because if I can possibly avoid it, I will not buy the store's own-brand merchandise.
This can be difficult because the chains are pushing more and more of their own products onto the shelf. It used to be the vegetables and the meats that were anonymous. Then milk and bread at "lost leader" pricing. Then jams, pickles, cereals, dog food and ice cream.
Currently Coles and Woolworths are being investigated by the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission for screwing down the prices of their suppliers. I believe it's more serious than this. In a mindless contest to own more market, they are destroying the brands we have known all our lives. And that many of us have depended on for work.
Right now the two biggies hold a 70 per cent grocery market-share between them. They wholesale, distribute, retail, and even sell the transport fuel. Once they have taken over most of the manufacturing as well, Australia will be a two-shop stop.
But sometimes they can trip over themselves, when they get so big the right foot doesn't know where the left foot's going.
Coles, no doubt wishing to give itself the appearance of a social conscience, gave support to Animals Australia's "Make it Possible" flying piglet campaign.
This highly emotional, professional advertising uses Babe-style animation to make piglets and battery hens sing, in a commercial which has drawn huge internet viewing and TV exposure. Coles put the flying piglet shopping bags on sale in 500 national supermarkets.
Only problem: Coles is also a farmer and food manufacturer (owned by Wesfarmers, remember). A campaign against factory farming of pigs, chickens and eggs involved shooting against its own side. And into its own foot.
The National Farmers Federation was furious, its leaders thundered at Coles management and its members threatened to boycott the stores. Where to turn?
Animals Australia came to Coles' aid and removed the bags. But the very action has brought a blaze of publicity to the campaign, spotlighted the factory farming problems, and has generated donations to pay for the singing commercial's return to TV.
Coles now has another misadventure. For some months Jeff Kennett has been claiming Coles' fresh bread (and for that matter Woolworths' and IGA's) is in fact frozen dough bunged into the oven - some of it brought all the way from Ireland.
When you get too big, it can be hard to spot the Irish dough and flying pigs.
ray@ebeatty.com
