Whingeing Poms not as deadly as the Icy Aussies

Melbourne Herald Sun, 22 October 2010

Forget the Whingeing Poms, when it comes to punishing bad customer service there are few more deadly than the Icy Aussie.

While the first may bleat and complain, the second will smile, turn a heel - and never return.

This has been brought out in a recent report from American Express, who surveyed customer responses in 12 countries to find out how tolerant they are to poor service.

It seems that Australians are second only to the Mexicans on the scale of service intolerance. And you wouldn't want a mad customer in Tijuana, that's for sure.

According to the survey, nearly half of Australian customers will only allow a business two strikes before they are ruled out of any future consideration.

In fact nearly a third will only give them a single strike. And nine out of ten Aussie customers confess to carrying their own personal blacklist.

However there is one escape clause. If they have experienced consistently good service from you in the past, they will be a bit more lenient.

The worse thing is, they don’t tell you what the problem is. At least with a whinger you can try to defend yourself and put things right.

But who am I kidding? We all know that most institutions don’t give a toss about customer satisfaction. You’ll never be able to penetrate the corporation to make a complaint, and nothing happens in most cases.

I saw this just recently with my own big Aussie bank in Collins Street. I made a helpful comment to a senior member of staff that their ATM machines outside the bank had overstuffed receipt bins and neatly branded litter was blowing down Elizabeth Street. A week later I walked past and the leaves still scattered the pavement.

Later, I had to see a bank officer and took a number from their very sophisticated queuing system. Then I waited and waited in a visitor chair. Half an hour later I saw a suited businessman opposite me jump up, screw up his ticket and stamp out. I considered this, decided it was a good idea, and followed suit. A hollow gesture - nobody noticed.

But you can’t be too complacent. When did you last phone your own office, calling in on the public line and without any of the short cuts? Be sure to disguise your voice.

You might find yourself driven mad by robot voices that ask questions which don’t relate to your query, send your call off into blind alleys and then drop you into the silent pit.

The receptionist might not know who senior people are, or even what products you sell, and finally suggest you phone a competitor. I’ve seen all these things happen to me recently.

So even if you’re a really busy bodkin, don’t neglect to keep your eye on customer service, so you can be sure that your business isn’t being turned away.

Oh and to be fair, there is another side to this problem - customers can be a pain as well. The other day in a St Kilda coffee shop I glanced at the blackboard behind the counter where an obviously frustrated waitress had written: “Prices may vary according to customer attitudes”.